I hope it’s ok but I wanted to share my thanks with you after attending your HypnoBirthing class late last year. It’s a bit late haha as it’s been 7 weeks since Audrey was born and life has been wonderful and time has flown but I’ve also had a lot of time to reflect and debrief on our birth experience so it’s probably a perfect time.
I wasn’t really sure what to expect from the course and I know that my husband was a little sceptical to begin with…I just knew that I had to prepare myself better after Evelyn’s birth. My instinct told me that there had to be a better way to birth and that I really needed some strategies to overcome the anxiety and fear that gripped me through Evelyn’s birth and caused a lot of birth trauma for me.
The course was wonderful, I learned a lot and in the weeks leading up to the birth I practised the parts that resonated with me and did lots of journalling. Levi even felt more informed and more secure in what his role would be.
In the end Audrey’s birth didn’t initiate the way we envisioned but in the end it was perfect. I was induced quite unexpectedly but we felt like we were in control regarding how the induction would progress – we asked for it to happen as gradually as possible and to let my body respond as much as is it could before further intervention. I think having wonderful midwives really helped here too, they were so supportive of us! I think without the course we wouldn’t have been so informed or assertive.
I spent the time I had during the day preparing my mind and listening to the relaxation tracks.
As you read on the Facebook page, once labour started I birthed Audrey in the shower after 1 hour and 15 minutes without any pain relief. For the majority of that time I felt calm and able to cope really well with the intensity of the labour. I did have moments of doubt and fear along the way and I remember vividly my internal dialogue – I was telling myself that I couldn’t do it and that I should ask for pain relief (it was like the little devil sitting on my shoulder saying “remember, this can all go away”)…for weeks after her birth I felt like I had failed in some way for not being able to birth without that voice in my head and without being able to manage my anxiety completely. My head was also spinning from the whole experience.
What I’ve reflected on since and have come to realise is that the voice I was hearing was totally normal and that unlike Evelyn’s birth I was able to move through those feelings and make choices in the moment consistent with the birth I truely wanted. That I was able to recognise the moments I was struggling and change my relaxation/calming technique to meet it. I didn’t realise it at the time but I was only 15 minutes away from birthing her when that internal voice was at its strongest – it all makes sense now haha.
Anyway, I feel absolutely euphoric after this birth and whilst I’m exhausted mothering a 3 year old and a newborn I feel so happy in myself. I feel like Evelyn’s birth paved the way for Audreys and I feel so proud of myself and Levi who was so present and was able to deliver her (the midwives pretty much stood at the bathroom door with a torch guiding us).
We’ve also been able to continue connecting with the other families. Thank you so much for the experience, your gentleness and guidance.